Love is an extremely complex, but yet simple part of life in which we all have the ability to express. It’s one of the first expressions shown to us the first time we enter the world. It comes in many forms and has the ability to be expressed in different ways.
While I have been introduced to love in it’s many forms over the years, the one I have tend to have the most issues with is in the area of romance. Often due to many incidents of unrequited love or love gone wrong. Other times it’s my own fault due to emotional shut downs and an inability to express my feelings in a way that my partners want me to express, despite telling them that I do care for them but it’s never up to their par. It’s funny how some people feel the need to paint a pretty picture of you then they get mad when you don’t turn into their version of reality.
I was once told that I didn’t know what love was, that I didn’t understand the meaning behind love. Then I realized that person was full of shit only because I was not up to his standards of love. My understanding is love comes in many forms and is expressed in many different ways. It’s a high we all live for, especially when it comes to new love. You take the time to get to know the person, seeing their little quirks and expressions they display. Learning about their interests and back stories which lead them to be the person you see before you now.
I am going to admit, while I do have people who do peak my interest from time to time, the past six years I never really let my guard down nor given people a chance to let them in. Often due to bad experiences in the past, but the funny thing is when I was at Convocation this year I won a love basket. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now within the past few months I have been learning the meaning of why it is so important to express you care to those who care for you. Learning to open your heart is a very difficult thing in a world so cruel, in a time when you are often considered as weak if you show any sign of emotion. When in reality showing love is powerful all on it’s own.
I express my love very differently, I’m more of a doer rather than a talker. Even more so, I get busy and so caught up in other things I don’t always see the people I love. I always remind them I am only a text or a message away should they need to talk to someone. There are others I hold back on, for I know neither they nor I are ready to step forward towards that direction. They’re best to let them run their own course, especially if they have issues of their own, business to take care of, other affairs to attend to, or the simple fact that they are not interested in what you want. You keep it to what you already have or you move forward. It’s just that simple.
You also in due time learn to love both their light and their shadow. Some people get along for the simple fact that their demons play well together. Although if you do notice some negative actions of their shadow coming out which causes them self harm or harm to others, you need to be strong enough to call them out. Some people don’t like it and it is a huge hurt to the ego, even more to those who have spent years rebuilding confidence within themselves due to past issues of abuse or bullying. Luckily there is more than one way to skin a cat in this case.
If you’re used to being the rock to most people like I am, the hardest part is letting your own emotions down especially around those who are used to seeing you at your highest strength. You get the ones who try to get you to stop crying or worrying by making you feel better when in reality you need to let those emotions run their course. It’s up to them if they want to be there for you or leave you alone to process your emotions, although when you’re so used to releasing your emotions alone it may be just second nature to withdraw. Of course, don’t disregard the “make you feel better” way, it’s just another simple way to show they care.
These past few months have been a huge emotional roller coaster, but it was most needed. To be able to express “I love you” to those I have known for so long, opening gates to those who want to get in, and of course reconnecting to the people you still care for despite life getting in the way.
It is simple to say I love you.