It is Only Human

You think there is something wrong with you, when you start to build with rage. They tell you,”Stop it now, sit down, and behave.”

Well now, my dear. I have been silent, silent for far too long. Buried my emotions six thousand feet to the sarcophagus under ground. Buried so deep, to the point of going numb. So numb that I have a hard time how to even react anyway.

So when you reconnect, after many of on and off years of shutting down from pain. You bet your fucking ass that I am angry. Angry at myself for letting me get this way, angry for shutting down instead of processing in a proper way. Angry to the point that it’s seeping out of the shadows that it wants to release the beast within.

Yet with anger, comes floods of other emotions, one in particular which is sorrow.

Sorrow for the the loss of the ability to mourn, especially in the case of death. Though now I express freely of my sorrow for almost losing that passion that which my spirit longs for. To allow tears to flow freely which comes in waves like a hurricane ready to invade.

From sorrow to lust, a high appetite that I often suppress.

When you’re constantly told you’re worthless once you lose your innocence. More so when you have the ability to carry the consequences of your actions. To be told it’s wrong when it’s meant to be enjoyed as nature intended to be, when instead it’s used as a holding card of power instead of a healing pathway to the higher beings.

Yet in lust comes envy, the green eyed bitch pokes its head.

Envious of those who live in bliss instead of being aware of the pain of the world we live in. Envy those who have what you desire, for you can be influenced with greed to want more than what you have. Of course, then you express empathy and smile over the blessings you have been bestowed with.

Shake off the envy, transfer to the expression of joy.

Joy and thankfulness of your blessings you have and of those yet to come. Joy that you wake up everyday knowing your purpose and to see the smile on your little one’s face. Joy to seeing those you care for constantly change and grow to greater heights. Joy that you have the ability to do what makes you happy.

Express your joy to gain clarity.

To clear your mind and be aware that you have turned a blind eye to your soul’s purpose and path to the divine. Clear to see what really lies ahead, to reconnect with your intuition and your ability to be in between.

Now it’s clear to see you have always had the ability to love.

Love fierce to great heights and from an unconditional source. Love with no fear, opening your heart to wear on your sleeve. To push those you care for and teach them to embrace their destiny.

It’s just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg.

The path of healing that is often required, to freely express those emotions you have caged for so long. For it is only human, to have the ability to feel this way. It just as nature intended, to have this reclaim of inner power. To be reborn of the ashes that almost burned you alive.

You have had the ability all along.

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Say I Love You; It is That Simple


Love is an extremely complex, but yet simple part of life in which we all have the ability to express. It’s one of the first expressions shown to us the first time we enter the world. It comes in many forms and has the ability to be expressed in different ways.

While I have been introduced to love in it’s many forms over the years, the one I have tend to have the most issues with is in the area of romance. Often due to many incidents of unrequited love or love gone wrong. Other times it’s my own fault due to emotional shut downs and an inability to express my feelings in a way that my partners want me to express, despite telling them that I do care for them but it’s never up to their par. It’s funny how some people feel the need to paint a pretty picture of you then they get mad when you don’t turn into their version of reality.

I was once told that I didn’t know what love was, that I didn’t understand the meaning behind love. Then I realized that person was full of shit only because I was not up to his standards of love. My understanding is love comes in many forms and is expressed in many different ways. It’s a high we all live for, especially when it comes to new love. You take the time to get to know the person, seeing their little quirks and expressions they display. Learning about their interests and back stories which lead them to be the person you see before you now.

I am going to admit, while I do have people who do peak my interest from time to time, the past six years I never really let my guard down nor given people a chance to let them in. Often due to bad experiences in the past, but the funny thing is when I was at Convocation this year I won a love basket. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now within the past few months I have been learning the meaning of why it is so important to express you care to those who care for you. Learning to open your heart is a very difficult thing in a world so cruel, in a time when you are often considered as weak if you show any sign of emotion. When in reality showing love is powerful all on it’s own.

I express my love very differently, I’m more of a doer rather than a talker. Even more so, I get busy and so caught up in other things I don’t always see the people I love. I always remind them I am only a text or a message away should they need to talk to someone. There are others I hold back on, for I know neither they nor I are ready to step forward towards that direction. They’re best to let them run their own course, especially if they have issues of their own, business to take care of, other affairs to attend to, or the simple fact that they are not interested in what you want. You keep it to what you already have or you move forward. It’s just that simple.

You also in due time learn to love both their light and their shadow. Some people get along for the simple fact that their demons play well together. Although if you do notice some negative actions of their shadow coming out which causes them self harm or harm to others, you need to be strong enough to call them out. Some people don’t like it and it is a huge hurt to the ego, even more to those who have spent years rebuilding confidence within themselves due to past issues of abuse or bullying. Luckily there is more than one way to skin a cat in this case.

If you’re used to being the rock to most people like I am, the hardest part is letting your own emotions down especially around those who are used to seeing you at your highest strength. You get the ones who try to get you to stop crying or worrying by making you feel better when in reality you need to let those emotions run their course. It’s up to them if they want to be there for you or leave you alone to process your emotions, although when you’re so used to releasing your emotions alone it may be just second nature to withdraw. Of course, don’t disregard the “make you feel better” way, it’s just another simple way to show they care.

These past few months have been a huge emotional roller coaster, but it was most needed. To be able to express “I love you” to those I have known for so long, opening gates to those who want to get in, and of course reconnecting to the people you still care for despite life getting in the way.

It is simple to say I love you.