On The Path of Transformation; Walking with Your Healer’s Shadow


I know this year hasn’t really been the “best yet”, especially in my case. Especially considering in the past few years I have realized I have become these following things;

  • A workaholic 
  • Realizing my real feelings towards humanity
  • A recluse
  • Denying a lot of my spiritual instincts
  • A control freak
  • A hoarder
  • Tired

When you sit back and think, you really kick yourself because of the fact that you know better than that. Of course, being human you realize that there is nothing wrong with reconizing that you have become what you are. It’s step one of realizing parts of yourself you want to heal. Which is why as a healer it’s important to realize your shadow.

I am going to admit to myself that this year alone, my shadow side has been scaring me…a lot. When you are realizing parts of yourself that you hide because you’re so used to being viewed in a certain way that you come to the point where you cage those parts of yourself. Of course, all cages have a weak point which in time your inner beast will find a way to escape. Usually they’ll escape at the worst possible moments, moments when you can end up hurting the people you love without realizing it. Worst of all, you end up hurting yourself the most.

Of course when you take the time to recognize those parts of yourself, you alone have the power to let them continue to consume you or face them head on to embrace them. Like the list I wrote above, I can change it to these following affirmations;

  • I am a hard worker with a very strong work ethic, which I will continue to do so I can provide a better future for myself and the people I love.
  • I recognize that I’m not too thrilled with most of the human race, but I will continue to love unconditionally.
  • I value my alone time and know when it’s time to withdraw and recharge.
  • I have become a lot more open to logic, which in turn helps me think rationally but I should remember to still trust my intuition.
  • The only person I control is myself and my thoughts and actions. Learn to know when it’s time to let go and move forward.
  • I channel my ability to prepare and save by putting it towards saving money for my future.
  • I need to take better care of my body and take the time to rest and listen.

It takes awhile to come and realize these changes, which is not something everyone is willing to do. Especially those who have hidden parts of themselves for so long that they feel they cannot be themselves except around certain people. My dear, when the time comes I hope you take the leap to embrace your shadow so in turn you can learn and heal from it.

Are you ready to take a walk with your dark side?

When a Rock Melts to Molten Lava

When you refer a strong person as a rock, you think of them as a main force of a foundation in which helps you with keeping yourself steady. Often times, these rocks tend to attract more rocks which further strengthens their force which in due time can build an ultimate fortress. A fortress so strong it protects the village in which inhabits behind the fortress so the can grow strong, survive and thrive.


Of course, like any good fortress, a series of outside forces wants to make an attempt to invade and destroy the peace in which it tries to bestow. Not just from other invading villages but from other forces such as weather, time, and erosion. This is why we do our best to fortify and maintain our fortresses so it can continue to do it’s job at protecting it’s village. This why we honor the warriors of our past who go beyond the fortress to fight off invading forces so they cannot reach it in the first place. Why we respect the contractors and carpenters who built the fortress in the first place and help maintain it with constant repairs, check ups, and attention. Why when in time a fortress falls, the village gathers together to fight to the death to protect what is in their village while others evacuate their young so they can further the path of the village to get a fresh start.

Of course, it should not come to that if you maintain and respect the fortress in the first place. We get so comfortable and safe at times we do not think about its maintenance that when it does fall, we tend to put the blame on the fortress for not standing rather than ourselves for keeping up with it’s maintenance. A fortress is just a fortress, it can only do so much on it’s own for so long.

That is the one thing we as humans have a terrible habit, which is keeping up with maintenance. We do it to our bodies, our relationships, our homes, our careers, almost everything. We get so caught up in comfort that we take for granted blessings we have rather than counting them so they can continue to grow. The most thankless often feel empty because they focus on what they lack rather than be thankful for what they do have. Even I am guilty of this behavior because I am someone who strives to move forward the best I can. Of course as the years go by I see so much to be thankful for. I once met a man who told me that instead of counting sheep to put him to sleep, he counted his blessings which always puts him at ease.

So know this, if someone is your rock. Love them, cherish them, maintain your relationship with them. Of course when they start to crumble, be there the best you can to support them in their times of need as much as they have been to you. Just remember, sometimes your rock may not reach out to you because they are so used to being your rock, just keep an eye on them to make sure they’re ok.

It is Only Human

You think there is something wrong with you, when you start to build with rage. They tell you,”Stop it now, sit down, and behave.”

Well now, my dear. I have been silent, silent for far too long. Buried my emotions six thousand feet to the sarcophagus under ground. Buried so deep, to the point of going numb. So numb that I have a hard time how to even react anyway.

So when you reconnect, after many of on and off years of shutting down from pain. You bet your fucking ass that I am angry. Angry at myself for letting me get this way, angry for shutting down instead of processing in a proper way. Angry to the point that it’s seeping out of the shadows that it wants to release the beast within.

Yet with anger, comes floods of other emotions, one in particular which is sorrow.

Sorrow for the the loss of the ability to mourn, especially in the case of death. Though now I express freely of my sorrow for almost losing that passion that which my spirit longs for. To allow tears to flow freely which comes in waves like a hurricane ready to invade.

From sorrow to lust, a high appetite that I often suppress.

When you’re constantly told you’re worthless once you lose your innocence. More so when you have the ability to carry the consequences of your actions. To be told it’s wrong when it’s meant to be enjoyed as nature intended to be, when instead it’s used as a holding card of power instead of a healing pathway to the higher beings.

Yet in lust comes envy, the green eyed bitch pokes its head.

Envious of those who live in bliss instead of being aware of the pain of the world we live in. Envy those who have what you desire, for you can be influenced with greed to want more than what you have. Of course, then you express empathy and smile over the blessings you have been bestowed with.

Shake off the envy, transfer to the expression of joy.

Joy and thankfulness of your blessings you have and of those yet to come. Joy that you wake up everyday knowing your purpose and to see the smile on your little one’s face. Joy to seeing those you care for constantly change and grow to greater heights. Joy that you have the ability to do what makes you happy.

Express your joy to gain clarity.

To clear your mind and be aware that you have turned a blind eye to your soul’s purpose and path to the divine. Clear to see what really lies ahead, to reconnect with your intuition and your ability to be in between.

Now it’s clear to see you have always had the ability to love.

Love fierce to great heights and from an unconditional source. Love with no fear, opening your heart to wear on your sleeve. To push those you care for and teach them to embrace their destiny.

It’s just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg.

The path of healing that is often required, to freely express those emotions you have caged for so long. For it is only human, to have the ability to feel this way. It just as nature intended, to have this reclaim of inner power. To be reborn of the ashes that almost burned you alive.

You have had the ability all along.

Say I Love You; It is That Simple


Love is an extremely complex, but yet simple part of life in which we all have the ability to express. It’s one of the first expressions shown to us the first time we enter the world. It comes in many forms and has the ability to be expressed in different ways.

While I have been introduced to love in it’s many forms over the years, the one I have tend to have the most issues with is in the area of romance. Often due to many incidents of unrequited love or love gone wrong. Other times it’s my own fault due to emotional shut downs and an inability to express my feelings in a way that my partners want me to express, despite telling them that I do care for them but it’s never up to their par. It’s funny how some people feel the need to paint a pretty picture of you then they get mad when you don’t turn into their version of reality.

I was once told that I didn’t know what love was, that I didn’t understand the meaning behind love. Then I realized that person was full of shit only because I was not up to his standards of love. My understanding is love comes in many forms and is expressed in many different ways. It’s a high we all live for, especially when it comes to new love. You take the time to get to know the person, seeing their little quirks and expressions they display. Learning about their interests and back stories which lead them to be the person you see before you now.

I am going to admit, while I do have people who do peak my interest from time to time, the past six years I never really let my guard down nor given people a chance to let them in. Often due to bad experiences in the past, but the funny thing is when I was at Convocation this year I won a love basket. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now within the past few months I have been learning the meaning of why it is so important to express you care to those who care for you. Learning to open your heart is a very difficult thing in a world so cruel, in a time when you are often considered as weak if you show any sign of emotion. When in reality showing love is powerful all on it’s own.

I express my love very differently, I’m more of a doer rather than a talker. Even more so, I get busy and so caught up in other things I don’t always see the people I love. I always remind them I am only a text or a message away should they need to talk to someone. There are others I hold back on, for I know neither they nor I are ready to step forward towards that direction. They’re best to let them run their own course, especially if they have issues of their own, business to take care of, other affairs to attend to, or the simple fact that they are not interested in what you want. You keep it to what you already have or you move forward. It’s just that simple.

You also in due time learn to love both their light and their shadow. Some people get along for the simple fact that their demons play well together. Although if you do notice some negative actions of their shadow coming out which causes them self harm or harm to others, you need to be strong enough to call them out. Some people don’t like it and it is a huge hurt to the ego, even more to those who have spent years rebuilding confidence within themselves due to past issues of abuse or bullying. Luckily there is more than one way to skin a cat in this case.

If you’re used to being the rock to most people like I am, the hardest part is letting your own emotions down especially around those who are used to seeing you at your highest strength. You get the ones who try to get you to stop crying or worrying by making you feel better when in reality you need to let those emotions run their course. It’s up to them if they want to be there for you or leave you alone to process your emotions, although when you’re so used to releasing your emotions alone it may be just second nature to withdraw. Of course, don’t disregard the “make you feel better” way, it’s just another simple way to show they care.

These past few months have been a huge emotional roller coaster, but it was most needed. To be able to express “I love you” to those I have known for so long, opening gates to those who want to get in, and of course reconnecting to the people you still care for despite life getting in the way.

It is simple to say I love you.

Blessings Come in the Weirdest Ways

I am the type who enjoy the simple things. The silly times I get to spend with people just hanging out and laughing. Watching my daughter hunt for spiders to stick in her jewelry box just for the hell of it. Walks in open parks, especially by lakes and streams. The smell of lilacs blooming in my backyard which I plan on harvesting this year to make lilac water. The very simple things, those that many take for granted.

I have also had weird and unexpected blessings too. One year around Christmas time I was pulled over by a cop right before my work shift only to be randomly given a hundred dollar bill due to our city being given a generous donation so they were randomly pulling people to give it away. Of course I ended up with a flat tire the next week but I at least had the money for a new tire. I had my ball joint on my car break on me while driving once but it was at least two minutes away from my job at the time, I was not hurt, and it was a beautiful day. Plus it got fixed. Another one was I was making plans to go clothes shopping after my next payday and this woman I talked to from time to time randomly came to me and said she was told by her higher power (I’m not joking about this) that I needed clothes which she bought me camisoles and shirts which were my style and size I wore.

Now the weirdest one, which I mean weird. Twice now I come home to find my lawn mowed. I don’t know who it is, it’s not my usual suspects because I know their mowing patterns. It is some simple mystery lawn mowing fairy who apparently knows when I plan to mow my lawn then suddenly I see it done. Now, I have never had this happened before and I usually take care of it on my own or pay my younger brother to at least attempt trying to mow it. Of course I’m thankful for this lovely surprise and if it keeps happening I would love to run into them at some point to give them a big hug and cook dinner for them or something. Especially since mowing the lawn is one of my biggest maintenance chores I have to keep up with during the non-snow months.

This stuff always reminds me why to always count my blessings, especially when blessings come in the weirdest but most simple ways. What weird blessings have you had?

It’s All Alchemy to Me

Anytime you think of the word alchemy, I’m sure you think of adventures of the philosopher’s stone and the ability to turn lead into gold. Maybe you’re bit of a nerd like I am and also think of Full Metal Alchemist which involve humonculi and the little girl turned into a Chimera. Maybe even the classic novel The Alchemist which is still on my own to read list.

All and all, how I personally view alchemy is the ability to transform something dull and boring into something great and unforgettable. Witchcraft in a way is a form of alchemy seeing how we take energies and manipulate those energies to change the outcome of circumstances with our will. Alchemy in the traditional sense is using chemistry to transform minerals or objects into something else.

When one decides they want to make a change or transformation, in a way they go through their own sense of spiritual alchemy. This can be many things from changing careers, losing weight, facing fears, or even exploring an unknown territory. It’s the matter of the will of the person and their desire to change. One can be comfortable with something but in due time all things change, grow, adapt, or move forward. Even the rivers will someday make more great canyons like the one we have now.

Don’t be afraid to push forward to these new changes, some you may not like but in the end they maybe for the better.

Time Away Allows The Mind to Get In Line

It’s been awhile since I have made my presence known.

Over the past few months; my heart, mind, body, and soul have been having some time to get reacquainted with one another. I’ve been going through a lot of ups and downs all these past few months. I guess you can say I took a long time to do an energetic detox which I will say was needed and well deserved. Let’s go on ahead and sum up what I have gone through in our four categories.

Heart

This one is probably the most work in progress considering how long I’ve been emotionally shut off the past few years. Yes, I still love and care for my family and friends, but sometimes I have a habit of misplaced emotions. I tend to opt for lust over love which thinking back now I realized how many people I might have shut out. I’ve learned a lot about loving myself, which that on it’s own took years to blossom upon. Now is the time to relearn how to accept love, but in the manner of letting it grow and bloom on its own. I also got a chance to revisit some old passions of mine which I see a lot of projects coming soon.

Mind

Stress works it’s way from the head on down. More importantly I have a terrible habit of over working myself. I’ve gotten better in the past few months which included changing work environments, watching a lot less tv, taking my time when it comes to studying new subjects, plus more guided meditations at night. Most of all, keeping my two year victory over my battle with depression so far, which is the best feeling of all.

Body

I have been learning a lot about my body and it’s limits, especially the past few months. I have cut out so much junk, starting to move more, and figuring out when it’s the best time to rest. I’ve lost weight, I have a lot more energy, and don’t get sick as much which my last form of any type of sickness has been since 2013. Plus being in tune with my base needs and knowing how to take care of them is an added bonus.

Soul

It’s funny this is the one area I have had the most progress in. Especially as I am approaching my 9th year as a practicing witch. Within the past two years I’ve been reaching out more and started teaching. I’m still learning the whole teacher thing, especially when you’re so used to being an introvert and never mind the fact that public speaking terrifies the shit out of me. I found a subject that I hold dearest to me, which is what I’m going to be keeping my focus on for now. I have a lot of work ahead but Thoth be by my side for this ride.

I’ve got a lot of work ahead. If you don’t mind bumpy roads I would love for you to join me. 😉