Reawakening The Fire Within


So today was definitely a good one, I was very fortunate to win Pagan Fest tickets at Convocation this year. Ironically I was meant to come because I think I only put about three tickets in the raffle basket. Seeing how it was a easy trip to make it as well. The whole day was easy going, beautiful and just the right temperature. My daughter made instant friends.

Plus discovered the joys of boffers.


I was there for about three classes, one was taught by a very lovely lady whom I run into at Con every year whom the class was dedicated to a deity that spoke the most to her, the goddess Bridged. Plus learned a few new things on flame tending and how deities can survive over the years despite religious take overs. The next one was on movement meditation and alternative ways to meditate especially for those who are unable to keep still. Her daughter joined for a time too and when you look at it from a 12 year old’s point of view you can definitely see how meditating in a still state is not for everyone. The last one was get with your root, working with thorns in both a protective stance and a baneful way. Reminding us that magick is not always sunshine and rainbows.

I was also fortunate to get some work done by the massage therapist on site. In a way, he reminded me why I got into massage in the first place especially when he executed a perfect combination of energy work and manual therapy. For a small time period I was getting burnt out, but the more I keep going back to basics the more I realize why I do what I do today. Plus getting back to practing readings and energy work again.

Including picking up this lovely book today.


It’s funny how one simple outing can remind you why you follow the spiritual path you’re on. Plus giving my daughter a chance to see what her mom is into so that we may both go forward and grow even more together. Reigniting the flames can come in mysterious ways.

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A Cycle Has Been Complete

  

You would think I would be a lot better at keeping track of my own page and blog.

No matter, since the last time I made a post I have gone through a whole new series of events which I know is essential for growth. Particularly coming to terms with certain sides of myself, of career choices I want to make, and of goals I want to achieve. A few things I am realizing is I want to continue my path as a Massage Therapist, but I want to pursue other things as well. Lucky for me they compliment massage, so it’s the matter of time before I start looking for training. More so now since my daughter will be seven this year and it’s making it a bit easier now she is starting to gain more independence.

I am just going to keep it short and sweet. The cycle is now complete. I’m going to be regularly blogging again.

On The Path of Transformation; Walking with Your Healer’s Shadow


I know this year hasn’t really been the “best yet”, especially in my case. Especially considering in the past few years I have realized I have become these following things;

  • A workaholic 
  • Realizing my real feelings towards humanity
  • A recluse
  • Denying a lot of my spiritual instincts
  • A control freak
  • A hoarder
  • Tired

When you sit back and think, you really kick yourself because of the fact that you know better than that. Of course, being human you realize that there is nothing wrong with reconizing that you have become what you are. It’s step one of realizing parts of yourself you want to heal. Which is why as a healer it’s important to realize your shadow.

I am going to admit to myself that this year alone, my shadow side has been scaring me…a lot. When you are realizing parts of yourself that you hide because you’re so used to being viewed in a certain way that you come to the point where you cage those parts of yourself. Of course, all cages have a weak point which in time your inner beast will find a way to escape. Usually they’ll escape at the worst possible moments, moments when you can end up hurting the people you love without realizing it. Worst of all, you end up hurting yourself the most.

Of course when you take the time to recognize those parts of yourself, you alone have the power to let them continue to consume you or face them head on to embrace them. Like the list I wrote above, I can change it to these following affirmations;

  • I am a hard worker with a very strong work ethic, which I will continue to do so I can provide a better future for myself and the people I love.
  • I recognize that I’m not too thrilled with most of the human race, but I will continue to love unconditionally.
  • I value my alone time and know when it’s time to withdraw and recharge.
  • I have become a lot more open to logic, which in turn helps me think rationally but I should remember to still trust my intuition.
  • The only person I control is myself and my thoughts and actions. Learn to know when it’s time to let go and move forward.
  • I channel my ability to prepare and save by putting it towards saving money for my future.
  • I need to take better care of my body and take the time to rest and listen.

It takes awhile to come and realize these changes, which is not something everyone is willing to do. Especially those who have hidden parts of themselves for so long that they feel they cannot be themselves except around certain people. My dear, when the time comes I hope you take the leap to embrace your shadow so in turn you can learn and heal from it.

Are you ready to take a walk with your dark side?

When a Rock Melts to Molten Lava

When you refer a strong person as a rock, you think of them as a main force of a foundation in which helps you with keeping yourself steady. Often times, these rocks tend to attract more rocks which further strengthens their force which in due time can build an ultimate fortress. A fortress so strong it protects the village in which inhabits behind the fortress so the can grow strong, survive and thrive.


Of course, like any good fortress, a series of outside forces wants to make an attempt to invade and destroy the peace in which it tries to bestow. Not just from other invading villages but from other forces such as weather, time, and erosion. This is why we do our best to fortify and maintain our fortresses so it can continue to do it’s job at protecting it’s village. This why we honor the warriors of our past who go beyond the fortress to fight off invading forces so they cannot reach it in the first place. Why we respect the contractors and carpenters who built the fortress in the first place and help maintain it with constant repairs, check ups, and attention. Why when in time a fortress falls, the village gathers together to fight to the death to protect what is in their village while others evacuate their young so they can further the path of the village to get a fresh start.

Of course, it should not come to that if you maintain and respect the fortress in the first place. We get so comfortable and safe at times we do not think about its maintenance that when it does fall, we tend to put the blame on the fortress for not standing rather than ourselves for keeping up with it’s maintenance. A fortress is just a fortress, it can only do so much on it’s own for so long.

That is the one thing we as humans have a terrible habit, which is keeping up with maintenance. We do it to our bodies, our relationships, our homes, our careers, almost everything. We get so caught up in comfort that we take for granted blessings we have rather than counting them so they can continue to grow. The most thankless often feel empty because they focus on what they lack rather than be thankful for what they do have. Even I am guilty of this behavior because I am someone who strives to move forward the best I can. Of course as the years go by I see so much to be thankful for. I once met a man who told me that instead of counting sheep to put him to sleep, he counted his blessings which always puts him at ease.

So know this, if someone is your rock. Love them, cherish them, maintain your relationship with them. Of course when they start to crumble, be there the best you can to support them in their times of need as much as they have been to you. Just remember, sometimes your rock may not reach out to you because they are so used to being your rock, just keep an eye on them to make sure they’re ok.

On the Path of the High Priestess


The first time I have ever had any form of encounters with the word “Priestess” was when I used to play a Night Elf Shadow Priest with healing abilities in World of Warcraft. I know, a bit cliche but for some reason that was the first type of character I wanted to play. Little did I know at the time that word is what I would run into over and over again as I make my way on my own path of magick.

As many of you know, the priestess is the second trump of the major arcana. The next stage of the fool’s journey, she is revered as the silent guardian of the moon within the balance of darkness and light. She harbors many secrets and knowledge, but only for those who want it and will actively seek it. Even still, if she provides you the knowledge she will have you answer to yourself what you must do with it. When she’s not in the right state of mind, she cuts herself off from her higher self in favor of worldly possessions and will often mistake intuition with her ego.

I will be honest, within the last three years now, I have made run ins with the word priestess many times. Particularly whenever I seem to attend Convocation, I remember standing outside the door for a ritual I was attending and everyone kept asking me what is it about and when will it start. The door priestess finally came out which I pointed to her and said, “She’s the best person to ask.” I was laughing to myself because I kept being mistaken as the door guardian. Of course she turned to me and said, “Anyone has the ability to become a priestess.” Ironically, by the end of the weekend we were given charms that represented different tarot cards and of course I somehow ended up with the high priestess. Even this past Convocation I attended a ritual during the invocation of the goddess Hel, which one of the things she said to me, “The gods are waiting for you to accept their calling to represent and be their voice.”

It’s ironic though, after looking into the meaning behind the priestess how much she has represented most of my life. It is not uncommon for people to come and seek me out for advice, especially when it comes the spirituality. I have been called to teach several times in my lifetime and of course my teaching style is discussing with the student until I see a light bulb click in their head. I remember helping a girl feel energy for the first time by explaining circuiting to her in the way energy circuits a lightbulb. I was so proud, happy, and excited for her when she finally got it, it was just a simple fact that energy had to be explained to her differently. More so, I tend to stay in the gray area a good majority of the time.

The title priestess to me is both enticing yet fearful, when someone takes on that title they take on many roles which include teaching, counciling, support, leading, and other important roles. I respect those who take on that title, although I have seen it go to many people’s heads over the course of my lifetime. It is a title I do not feel worthy to take on because I have no formal training in any tradition because I feel no need to adhere to any tradition nor does one call out to me. I do represent myself as an eclectic spiritualist, which sadly seems to be frowned upon by most traditions. There is a reason why I go by the title, “The Backwoods Witch” because people often seek me out when they have ran out of options or find themselves at a dead end.

In due time, I may buck up and claim that title. Until then, I’ll be enjoying my backwoods ready to help when needed. I will continue my studies and journeying until then.

It is Only Human

You think there is something wrong with you, when you start to build with rage. They tell you,”Stop it now, sit down, and behave.”

Well now, my dear. I have been silent, silent for far too long. Buried my emotions six thousand feet to the sarcophagus under ground. Buried so deep, to the point of going numb. So numb that I have a hard time how to even react anyway.

So when you reconnect, after many of on and off years of shutting down from pain. You bet your fucking ass that I am angry. Angry at myself for letting me get this way, angry for shutting down instead of processing in a proper way. Angry to the point that it’s seeping out of the shadows that it wants to release the beast within.

Yet with anger, comes floods of other emotions, one in particular which is sorrow.

Sorrow for the the loss of the ability to mourn, especially in the case of death. Though now I express freely of my sorrow for almost losing that passion that which my spirit longs for. To allow tears to flow freely which comes in waves like a hurricane ready to invade.

From sorrow to lust, a high appetite that I often suppress.

When you’re constantly told you’re worthless once you lose your innocence. More so when you have the ability to carry the consequences of your actions. To be told it’s wrong when it’s meant to be enjoyed as nature intended to be, when instead it’s used as a holding card of power instead of a healing pathway to the higher beings.

Yet in lust comes envy, the green eyed bitch pokes its head.

Envious of those who live in bliss instead of being aware of the pain of the world we live in. Envy those who have what you desire, for you can be influenced with greed to want more than what you have. Of course, then you express empathy and smile over the blessings you have been bestowed with.

Shake off the envy, transfer to the expression of joy.

Joy and thankfulness of your blessings you have and of those yet to come. Joy that you wake up everyday knowing your purpose and to see the smile on your little one’s face. Joy to seeing those you care for constantly change and grow to greater heights. Joy that you have the ability to do what makes you happy.

Express your joy to gain clarity.

To clear your mind and be aware that you have turned a blind eye to your soul’s purpose and path to the divine. Clear to see what really lies ahead, to reconnect with your intuition and your ability to be in between.

Now it’s clear to see you have always had the ability to love.

Love fierce to great heights and from an unconditional source. Love with no fear, opening your heart to wear on your sleeve. To push those you care for and teach them to embrace their destiny.

It’s just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg.

The path of healing that is often required, to freely express those emotions you have caged for so long. For it is only human, to have the ability to feel this way. It just as nature intended, to have this reclaim of inner power. To be reborn of the ashes that almost burned you alive.

You have had the ability all along.

Say I Love You; It is That Simple


Love is an extremely complex, but yet simple part of life in which we all have the ability to express. It’s one of the first expressions shown to us the first time we enter the world. It comes in many forms and has the ability to be expressed in different ways.

While I have been introduced to love in it’s many forms over the years, the one I have tend to have the most issues with is in the area of romance. Often due to many incidents of unrequited love or love gone wrong. Other times it’s my own fault due to emotional shut downs and an inability to express my feelings in a way that my partners want me to express, despite telling them that I do care for them but it’s never up to their par. It’s funny how some people feel the need to paint a pretty picture of you then they get mad when you don’t turn into their version of reality.

I was once told that I didn’t know what love was, that I didn’t understand the meaning behind love. Then I realized that person was full of shit only because I was not up to his standards of love. My understanding is love comes in many forms and is expressed in many different ways. It’s a high we all live for, especially when it comes to new love. You take the time to get to know the person, seeing their little quirks and expressions they display. Learning about their interests and back stories which lead them to be the person you see before you now.

I am going to admit, while I do have people who do peak my interest from time to time, the past six years I never really let my guard down nor given people a chance to let them in. Often due to bad experiences in the past, but the funny thing is when I was at Convocation this year I won a love basket. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now within the past few months I have been learning the meaning of why it is so important to express you care to those who care for you. Learning to open your heart is a very difficult thing in a world so cruel, in a time when you are often considered as weak if you show any sign of emotion. When in reality showing love is powerful all on it’s own.

I express my love very differently, I’m more of a doer rather than a talker. Even more so, I get busy and so caught up in other things I don’t always see the people I love. I always remind them I am only a text or a message away should they need to talk to someone. There are others I hold back on, for I know neither they nor I are ready to step forward towards that direction. They’re best to let them run their own course, especially if they have issues of their own, business to take care of, other affairs to attend to, or the simple fact that they are not interested in what you want. You keep it to what you already have or you move forward. It’s just that simple.

You also in due time learn to love both their light and their shadow. Some people get along for the simple fact that their demons play well together. Although if you do notice some negative actions of their shadow coming out which causes them self harm or harm to others, you need to be strong enough to call them out. Some people don’t like it and it is a huge hurt to the ego, even more to those who have spent years rebuilding confidence within themselves due to past issues of abuse or bullying. Luckily there is more than one way to skin a cat in this case.

If you’re used to being the rock to most people like I am, the hardest part is letting your own emotions down especially around those who are used to seeing you at your highest strength. You get the ones who try to get you to stop crying or worrying by making you feel better when in reality you need to let those emotions run their course. It’s up to them if they want to be there for you or leave you alone to process your emotions, although when you’re so used to releasing your emotions alone it may be just second nature to withdraw. Of course, don’t disregard the “make you feel better” way, it’s just another simple way to show they care.

These past few months have been a huge emotional roller coaster, but it was most needed. To be able to express “I love you” to those I have known for so long, opening gates to those who want to get in, and of course reconnecting to the people you still care for despite life getting in the way.

It is simple to say I love you.